I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
