I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
