You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
This is my gift to your gina
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
