Well apparently he's into motor boating.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
