Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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