I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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