Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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