You're my little dorito
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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