i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
