he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
