dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am naked and annoyed.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
