Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
two words...techno handjob
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
