So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
