So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
