Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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