I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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