This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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