Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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