3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
