Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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