I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
