She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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