my sisters under your porch take her home
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.