i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...