Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
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Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
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Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?