I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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