Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.