i already hear my dad disowning me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I am one with the molecules
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT