i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum