can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.