lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
you never un-have a 4some
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
