Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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