Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Girls should come with a carfax report
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
