If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
