all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
