just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Is Oprah even human
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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