what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I wear drunk well.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
