Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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