Tell her she can't have a vagina
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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