Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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