I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
