can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
