she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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