Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Randomize
