a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
