but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
