my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
