Is it because I queefed?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize