i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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