How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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