if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
