some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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