I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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