White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
