Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
