I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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