i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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