Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
