weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
