I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
