i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
