They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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