I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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