remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
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I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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