I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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