very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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