I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
