tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
