You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
