nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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