that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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