He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
