i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
birth control should be required to get into college
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
