i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
my poor anus
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
