let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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