D3 body, D1 cock
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
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