so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
